I Have Cancer

I never dreamed I would be saying those words, but here I am. I have cancer. Adenocarcinoma or just your garden variety colon cancer. In this case, I am perfectly fine with being more ordinary. I will have a CT scan tomorrow (4/27/23) then surgery will be scheduled for next week.

Yes, that is my mad face. Or at least my perturbed face. I have so much going on right now! I know, it's never an opportune time to have cancer, but this is a real pain in my patootie!

I know I have the best surgeon I could have because God is the one who chose him. I know I will be in the best hospital I can be in because God is the one who chose it. I know I will receive the best care because God...period. And I have a few feral nurse friends who will jump ugly if needed. LOL!

I have been amazed at all of you who have reached out to me. So many texts, calls, comments...truly grateful and blessed for all of you. Please keep it coming! I can't tell you how much it does my heart good to know that you care. And, I happen to believe that satan trembles when so many of God's children focus their prayers. I am in a fight, but I am not alone. I want Jadyn to believe that he isn't, either.

Jadyn, I have an idea of what you are facing because I am an only child, too. But I have no idea what it's like to lose your dad then 2 years later have your mom fighting cancer and you at such a young age. I am a fighter. Don't ever forget that. I am determined. Fill in the blank after that.

I say I am doing well, and I truly mean that, but I do feel some emotions tickling my mind. Anxiety, of course. A bit sad. But mostly I feel PISSED!!! That's right, I sometimes feel just downright mad. Jadyn and I were finally getting our lives together after losing Dave and now this?! I don't understand, but I know I don't have to. I just have to trust the One who does know all things. And I do. But sometimes I talk to my Abba Father and admit that I am frustrated and don't understand. It reminds me of when Jadyn was little and he would ask me "Why?" If I could give him a reason, I would. But sometimes I had to tell him, "Son, mom has a reason but you're too young to understand it right now. Will you trust me and know that I will tell you when you are older?" That usually satisfied him. And I would tell him when he was older. How much better is my Abba Father!!! I hear him say, "My child, I know how you are feeling, and I understand why you feel that way. Just trust me. All things will be made known in My time, and I truly am working all things together for good." So, I trust. As I told a friend, I am a broken, damaged, sinful, beautiful mess, and that's all I know how to be. What a testimony of God's power!

One good thing about all of this: The ribbon for colon cancer is navy blue and not some weird neon color that would look terrible on me. Thank God!